I got this following interesting observation and question from a reader to my post A new ritual: Slave Saturday
Just thought I would highlight it here along with my answer, just in case folks miss it.
Thank you Anonymous. Great question!!
Hi, I am fairly new to your blog and its opened a whole new way of living for me. I am so intrigued by this lifestyle. I think what you and your swami share is incredible. I have a question though. I know you are his slave but my question is has there EVER been time when he said something/did something where in you got hurt or angry as his wife? In this lifestyle is it always Master/ Slave for the two of you? or is there situation where you two or just husband/wife?
I am sorry if I came across as intrusive. I am young and impressionable( around chutki's age) and now this is something I can't take my mind off :( The more I read, the more I am convinced I might be a submissive too..Now I am not sure if I am glad I stumbled upon this blog or not!!
Any way, Thank you if you do choose to answer my questions..
I tried to answer as best as I could. I am no expert, but just shared my perspective, right, wrong or whacko :-)
This is a great question. But let me start with some background.
For me Consensual Slavery is a spiritual practice, similar to meditation. So it is not a destination for me, it is a journey. When you start in meditation, you struggle, your mind gets distracted, but my Swami tells me that if you stick with the practice, you start making progress, then you achieve breakthroughs in awareness etc. So it is with my journey as a consensual slave.
My Swami and I have been together for many years now and within the safety of our marriage, I have had the chance to strengthen aspects of my practice. Although, I "formally" embraced this lifestyle recently, I have been a life long submissive and was a "Taken in Hand" wife ever since we got married. So i have had years to "grow" into "Consensual Slavery"
Now to your question.
"has there EVER been time when he said something/did something where in you got hurt or angry as his wife?"
Giggle, Of Course!! I am human and so is he!! The more important question is "How do I handle it?" More on that in a moment.
In this lifestyle is it always Master/ Slave for the two of you? or is there situation where you two or just husband/wife?
Ok, for the outside world, we are just an ordinary married couple. My friends think I am a little weird, but we are still a boring married couple :-)
Between the two of us, this is not just a bedroom or sexual fetish (in that it does not end when we walk out of the bedroom)
I think the closest term I would use to describe our dynamic outside the bedroom would be "God/devotee". While "Master/Slave" may accurately describe our dynamic in the bedroom, when we step out of the bedroom, it transforms into something more spiritual for both of us. Since the "God/devotee" concept is a strange concept in the west, I just stick with "Master/Slave" to describe all of it.
Now that I have explained my relationship a little better, "how would I handle it when he said something or did something where I got hurt as his wife?"
Well, a young inexperienced devotee would rail against her God, would accuse God of not caring, being cruel, blah, blah. God would just smile, because he knows that devotee is inexperienced, a spiritual novice, has just started on the journey.
But as devotee becomes immersed in devotion, her mind is transformed. She sees things differently now. What used to anger her previously, makes her smile now. She understands her God better, knows his mysterious ways, trusts him completely.
So instead of thinking "How could my God do this to me?" she thinks "Hmm, what is it in this dynamic that I don't understand, because the one thing I am sure of, is that my God, wants the best for me"
Of course, I won't give that amount of trust to any man. I know the potential for extreme abuse. I only hand over that much control to one man. My Swami.
Hope that helps
Oh Desi, you write so beautifully, and have such a refreshing perspective! Hugs and kisses, S.
ReplyDeleteThank you dear. You see I have no "experience in the lifestyle" in that I have never lived it outside my marriage. So whenever I have any questions on how to deal with a situation, I pretty much tap into two sources
Delete1) Swami. If he thinks one way, I pretty much go with it. He has probably thought a lot deeper about the problem. Why should I bother my little Daasi head about it?
2) The problem is more often than not, Swami never says "You should do this". He will ask me a series of questions and engage me in a conversation. Now to answer the questions he asks me, I pretty much have only one source. My understanding of what I call (ok, I am going to use a Indian term here, ready?) "Patni/Stri Dharam" (Patni = wife, Stri = Woman. Dharam = Righteous Path). This is where my culture influences me and reveals my biases. So I employ this filter. I just take that and employ to it to my lifestyle! Silly isn't it? :-)
That is probably what appears as refreshing. Lol!! I am sure if you ask a Professional Dom or Sub, they would laugh at some of my ramblings :-)
Oh you are so silly Desi, but #2 is so true! You may or may not have already picked up on this, but I identify more with your culture than my own. Well, at least in a lot of ways. Plus, you're awesome. :P
DeleteMaybe you were an Indian in your previous birth you know :-) Now my Swami is going to roll his eyes!! I keep telling him, we must be connected across multiple lifetimes but he just laughs!
DeleteDesi, I love this post. In was thinking the same thing and wondering what I should do if I feel hurt or upset and now I know what I can try! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteJacy Sweety, I am so flattered that you would even think that way!! See my answer to Subgirl above to understand why I say some of the things I say! I have no idea if they are "usable, or are even considered BDSM worthy" I have taken my learnings and biases from the spiritual sphere and have applied them to my lifestyle.
DeleteIt seems to work for me! If it works for you, I would be overjoyed, but they have been tested only on a very limited sample size, namely Me!
I feel compelled to say this, because this is how my Swami has taught me. He always says "try it, experience it. That is worth more than all the teachings and sermons I can give you"
Hugs and Kisses
Thank you for answering my questions. Despite being an Indian I still find the god/devotee concept hard to wrap my head around. But its always interesting to get new insights and different perspectives :)
ReplyDeletewhat I find interesting is that you believe that he is god whereas he seems to questions the existence of god :)
Thank you once again for explaining so eloquently.
Maybe, i should clarify something here :-) Of course I don't believe he is "The GOD"!! i.e the creator God of the Universe. I mean he is "my God" i.e. he is imbibed with Godly qualities of compassion, wisdom, knowledge, justice, forbearance etc. In other words, I choose to see the divine in him and so I worship him.
DeleteHere's something that may help. If you find the word "God" troublesome, try substituting it with "First among men" ( i.e. to me he is the most perfect man).
See here's the important point. I did not make him jump thru hoops to "earn that title in my eyes", I just "gave it to him", the minute he married me. BTW, I would have given it to any man I married, the day I married him. My mom taught me this. My husband, just happened to be Swami, so he became "my God" and this is where I believe some higher power chose him for me. He of course thinks this was pure coincidence :-)
The minute he tied the mangal sutra around my neck, I saw him as perfect. I told him he was perfect, I behaved like he was "perfect" and guess what, he became that way!! He became what I saw in him. So we influenced each other in a virtuous positive feedback loop :-)
I know, it sounds crazy, but it is my life!!