Chutki gets Collared

It was coming on a month since our arrangement with Chutki and this weekend, we had a talk about what to do when the trial period ended. We spoke not as Master, Slave and Sub in training but as family.

Swami: So Chutki, now that you have tried this for almost a month, it is time to think about what's next. What was your experience like?

Chutki: Jeeju, it has been awesome. I have been in this constant high, both sexually and emotionally. As if I am in love or something!

Me: Chutki, how does the "giving up control" thing feel?

Chutki: Didi, This is the first time I have actually experienced it. I loved it because I guess I trusted you guys so much. I knew you two would always look after me and protect me

Chutki: Jeeju, how have I been as a sub?

The way my Swami handled this question is why I am so proud to be his Daasi, and why my brain is so completely imprinted with his love. Instead of giving her a laundry list of "here's what you were good at" and "here's what you need to improve on" he tried a different approach

Swami: Tell me about the best experience you had so far as part of the trial period.

Chutki: After thinking a bit, always a good sign :-) When you laid down the boundaries of my training. Every word you said and made me repeat, the interview you captured on video and the contract you made me sign, for me that was just so memorable. I go to that place every day, sometimes, many times in a single day.

Swami: Why is that so memorable for you?

Chutki: Because it made me feel so loved, so cared for, so protected, but best of all it reminded me that you my Jeeju, have the last say in things, not me. That made me feel humble, almost angelic and innocent. I can't describe it. It just felt soooo right!

Swami: How does this compare with your life before getting into training?

Chutki: Oh my gosh, I am convinced now that I can never go back to my life before I met you and Didi. I can't live any other way. That life seems so empty and purposeless now.

Swami: Well, you just said one thing about what your Didi and I discovered during your training. Being a sub is not just a sexy concept for you. Some wanna be subs hear the concept and love it intellectually, but then when put to the test, they have a hard time. Your answer indicates that having lived it, if you still want it, that you actually need to be a sub and have the potential to be a good one

Swami: Tell me what was the hardest command for you to obey?

Chutki: Thinks again, Jeeju, when you told me not to do something. Like not to pleasure myself for an entire week, even though I was sexually stimulated. That almost killed me.

Swami: Did you have trouble doing something that I told you, you must do?

Chutki: No, never, I can always do something, it is the "don't do something" that I had challenges with.

Swami: Why is that?

Chutki: I have a hard time with "delayed gratification". All of the things you told me to refrain from forced me to put off following up on my urges till later. That was really hard on me. I wanted gratification immediately.

Swami: So, you struggled with being patient?

Chutki: Yes, that's it. I really struggled with it

Swami: Did you violate any of the commands?

Chutki: I came pretty close, but then I talked to Didi, and she drilled some sense into me.

Swami: Looked at me and smiled. Yes, she told me. See you already know what you need to work on. Patience. You need to work on that a lot

Swami: Tell me what do you want most out of being a sub?

Chutki: Long, long silence.. She wants to say something, but is hesitating. 

Me: It's ok Chutki, say it. Swami asked you a question. If you answer truthfully, it will be better for you.

Chutki: Jeeju, I want what Didi has. She stares at her feet, she is not comfortable saying this. 

Swami: What does that mean?

Chutki: I want to be like Didi. She is such a good Daasi. I feel inadequate. I.. I.. Why can't we have sex?!!

Swami: Excuse me?

Chutki: Jeeju, why won't you have sex with me? Is it because I am not as good as Didi?

Swami: Looks at me. Did you talk to her about this? He asks me

Me: Swami, you must know. Yes, she has told me.

Swami: Gets up and sits next to Chutki. Places a hand on her lap. I don't have sex with you, because I am not married to you Chutki. Trust me, if I have sex with you, things will get complicated. It has nothing to do with whether you are a good sub or not. It is about what I believe in.

Chutki: I just feel that I am not getting the full experience Jeeju.

I just listen quietly. I am going to let Swami handle this one. 

Swami: Laughs, The full experience? What do you mean?

Chutki: I want to feel what Didi feels. I feel that she is experiencing things that I will never experience!

Swami: Hmm.

Chutki: I feel that I am seeing only the trailer of a film. I want to see the entire film!

Swami: Hmm.

Chutki: I'm sorry, Didi, you asked me to be honest. I don't want to hurt anybody! Please don't be angry with me Jeeju. I don't want to disappoint or upset you.

Swami: I am not angry, or disappointed or upset Chutki, I am just listening to what you are saying.

Chutki: Didi, am I wrong?

Me: Swami?

Swami: Nothing wrong in talking Chutki, being honest is always helpful. Tell me something. Whom do you like better? Me or your Didi?

Chutki: Jeeju! I like both of you!

Swami: but whom do you like better?

Chutki: Jeeju, sorry, that question makes no sense to me. You are both different. I can't choose between you. Your characteristics are different, your approach is different, your....

Swami: Yes? go on

I smile

Chutki: Wait a minute, are you playing some Zen trick on me? Are you telling me that since Didi and I are also different our experiences will be different, but both are equally valid?

Swami: I am not telling you anything. You seem to have arrived at that conclusion on your own.

Chutki: Then why do I feel this way?

Swami: Maybe we need to work on that. Your experiences will be different. Not better or worse, just different because you know fundamentally your relationship with me is different from your Didi's.

Chutki: Yes, I know Jeeju, She gets to call you her husband!

Swami: No, I mean, you are just a sub in training, but she is my slave for life. Big difference. You are getting the sub in training experience, she is getting the slave for life experience. Both are valid, they are just different.

Chutki: I am not sure I understand.

Swami: I could try and explain, but I am not sure words will do it justice. Some things need to be felt and experienced, not heard and analyzed.

Chutki: Well, I want to experience what Didi is experiencing, I want to feel it, or at least something close to it!

Swami: You will experience it as Chutki, you will feel it as Chutki, you can never experience it as Daasi, or feel it like Daasi. You are who you are, she is who she is. But you can experience things differently from what you are experiencing now. I am not sure you are ready for it though.

Chutki: Oh no. Please don't do that!

I giggle

Chutki: Didi, say something!

Me: Oh no, Chutki, this is between Swami and you. I am staying out of it.

Chutki: You are telling me the Daasi experience is different from the sub experience? I want to be your Daasi too. Jeeju!

Swami: Starts laughing uncontrollably. 

Chutki: Glares at me and him alternatively.

Swami: Finally becomes serious. Chutki, do you know what you are asking? Your Didi's Daasihood is protected within the boundaries of our marriage. You will have no such protection. Also, as a sub, your contract terms are pretty generous. As a Slave if you say no, you are no longer a slave. Your contract terms will be quite a bit stricter. You can't be a slave one moment and transform into Chutki another moment. As a slave, Chutki will cease to exist, only the slave will remain, as my property.

Chutki: Can you give me an example Jeeju?

Swami: As my slave, would you be willing to have sex with anybody I command you to have? Chutki can refuse, the sub in training can protest and ultimately refuse, the slave does not have that option. As my slave, if I tell you to satisfy anybody sexually, you just have to do it. Can you?  Would you? Joyfully? with a grateful heart?

Chutki: Gulps. Anybody?

Swami: See. You are better off as a sub or maybe you should return to being just Chutki.

Chutki: No, no. Ok.

Swami: Ok, what?

Chutki: I will have sex with anybody you ask me to have sex with.

Me: Chutki! I think you are missing the point.

Chutki: It's ok Didi, I trust Jeeju. That is what it is all about right? Trust. Yes, Jeeju, anybody.

Swami: What if I tell you to get married tomorrow to somebody, or refuse to let you get married at all? What then?

Chutki: Oh my God! I am feeling so.. so... turned on.. You will do that to me?

Swami: Chutki, get serious. What if I force you into a marriage. You are after all my slave.

Chutki: That is scary! Will you do that?

Swami: Exactly. Who knows. I might, The point is, I can if I want to and if you refuse, you are just a slave wanna-be. Bailing out when the going gets tough is what slave wanna-be's do. Your Didi, she does not have that option. She has written over her will and life over to me. See the difference? these are just examples, but as a slave you are required to obey at a completely different level than as a submissive.

Swami: I am going to take a drive. I will be back in 30 mins. Think about it.

He leaves.  Chutki stares at me. I go to get dinner ready. 

Chutki: What should I do Didi? I am confused.

Me: I can't answer this for you. I would be scared. I don't think I would sign up to be a slave to somebody that I am not married to.

Chutki: Has Jeeju ever done anything that has made you question your decision?

Me: Never. I have never regretted my decision. But I am married to him.

Chutki: Is being a sub vs a slave really different.

Me: Sub, Slave, Dom, Master, those are just words. Words are empty. They cannot provide you the experience. It is all in your head, Chutki. I used to submit to him ever since we got married I think. Then in an instant, I became his slave. What changed? How I thought about it in my head and how he viewed me in his head. It is all mental.

Me: Think about it. If you consider yourself to be his slave, how does that make you feel? the thought of losing all control, having no will, being used solely for my Swami's pleasure, listening to everything he says. Mentally picture that. How does that make you feel?

Chutki: Wet. I am incredibly turned on.

I roll my eyes

Me: Being a slave is incredibly hard. You have to subsume your ego to his. 24x7. He could yank you out of bed at 3 in the morning. Your body, mind and soul will belong to him.

Chutki: Damn! to be owned that way! No wonder, you are always so happy!

Me: Chutki, this is not about me. It is about you. I am a slave to my husband. You will be slave to just a man. Aren't you afraid?

Chutki: Didi, We are talking about Jeeju, not the Unabomber here

I can see she has made up her mind. Still I try for the next twenty minutes to try and dissuade her. To be honest, I am a little worried for my Swami also. I tell her this. It is a big burden on him. Training someone is one thing. Owning someone is something entirely different. To her credit she listens silently, but I can see her where her heart is. Swami returns.

Swami: Looking at me. So, were you successful?

Me: I don't think so.

Swami: Hmm.

Chutki: Jeeju, can we at least try it for a month?

Swami: Hmm.

Paces back and forth for a few minutes

Swami: Go get the collar Daasi. Kaneez get naked and kneel.

I rush to get the collar. Chutki is kneeling naked, by the time I get back. 

Swami: One month. We try this for one month. You have to wear this 24x7 while you are a slave in training. You can never remove it, unless I command it.  I am going to push you Chutki. I am going to be ruthless. I am going to test your boundaries. You may not like it. It is a one month contract. I will own you for one month. Any actions I take during this one month cannot be undone. Is that clear? Do you want to reconsider?

Chutki: Yes Maalik it is clear! She is crying. I don't want to reconsider. I will not blame you for anything. I am getting into this with my eyes open.

Swami looks at me. I smile and nod. I find myself rooting for my little sister.  Swami Collars her. She starts sobbing. He lifts and hugs her. She starts wailing loudly. I watch with tears in my eyes. She looks so innocent and beautiful and alluring in the slave collar. I can't wait to see how the month will turn out.